Tuesday, December 30, 2008

You'd better resolve to...

This year I made a very long list of resolutions. I was so proud of myself. I had spent all year gathering them, noting areas that needed improvement and jotting them down in a notebook, sometimes several times a day.

Following this year’s list would make my life stress-free. There would be no grumpiness, no worries, just peace, love and joy year round. My house would run like a well-oiled machine. My floors would shine, my car would stay clean and full of gas, dinner would be served promptly when I got home from work. I really couldn’t wait for the New Year.

That is until my husband informed me I wasn’t allowed to make resolutions for him. As a matter of fact, he said he had his own set and picking up his socks was not at the top of it (or on it at all, actually). Furthermore, he had the nerve to say that resolutions began with “I,” not “You’d better.” And, to make matters worse, my children had the gall to ask, “What’s a resolution?”

What a let-down. To think I had worked so hard this year. Since I’m not one to be easily daunted, however, I sat down to revise my list. It just needs a dash of creativity, I thought.

See what you think of this version:

I resolve to disable the horn in my husband’s truck, so he can’t honk at me when I’m running late.

I resolve to put a basketball hoop around the clothes hamper to encourage its use.

I resolve to allow the kids to keep all of the money they find while cleaning out my car.

I resolve to put a television in the kitchen, so my husband will cook more.

I resolve to wash the whites with reds to see if real men do wear pink (and to find out how long they will before they breakdown and wash clothes themselves).

I resolve to place biohazard tape across the kids’ doors when their rooms need cleaning.

I resolve to hang a sign around our dog’s neck that says, “Please feed me, water me and walk me. This means you.”

I resolve to allow the kids to wear roller skates in the house, as long as they do it with a mop or broom in hand.

I resolve to let my family make a few resolutions for me, too. (But I don’t resolve to keep them!)

Happy New Year to you and yours. By the way, if you could make a resolution for someone, who and what would it be?

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