Picture perfect

I begged my family to take one beach photo. Here is the result.

As I scrolled through my Facebook page and saw gorgeous family picture after picture, I asked myself, “Where are my gorgeous family pictures?”

Actually, I thought, “Where are my family pictures?” Period.

It’s that time of year again. The time when I go to a lot of trouble finding the “perfect” picture to mail to our friends as a holiday greeting. Of course, that’s all a farce, not the perfect picture part, but the idea that I’ll actually mail them.

Just joking – sort of.

My children are teenagers, and despite the money I’ve spent on their braces and the number of selfies they take with their friends, they do not want to smile for their mama. And nothing makes me madder. I don’t ask for a lot, but I would like to take one picture of the four of us before the year ends, so I can plaster it on a card. That’s all. Call it my birthday, Valentine’s, Mother’s Day and Christmas Day gift. Just take it. One. Picture.

Recently, at the beach, the sun began to set, and I said, “Now, let’s go take our pictures. It’s the perfect time.”

Groans and moans emit from the back seat. One would think I’d picked up a few zombie hitchhikers.

“Everybody does that, Mom,” my daughter said, “Don’t be cliché.”

“I’m not making you wear all white,” I said. “Just stand there. I’m not asking for much.”

As the sun set on my request, I began to resort to more drastic measures of persuasion, “I gave birth to you!”

I’m not sure why moms say that. We are the only ones who remember what we put our bodies through, and the pain we endured. The kids see only the pictures, the happy, smiling pictures that we moms made sure were taken before our infants became teens and refused.

This was not the case when I was a child. We had our family picture taken every year and looked forward to it. Granted that’s because we had them taken at the county fair, but I still like to think I’d look forward to it even if promises of rides and candy apples weren't

part of the bargain.

The more than a decade worth of photos rank among my most treasured possessions, despite my awkward phase that seemed to last an abnormally long time and my penchant for closing my eyes at the exact time the shutter went off. Today’s kids are lucky. Thanks to the delete button and unlimited outtakes, they’ll grow up and never have a poor picture of themselves. Of course, in my kids’ case, they’ll be no pictures at all past the age of 13.

The best family pictures, come to think of it, have been totally unexpected and unplanned, like the one I used on last year’s Christmas card. We were at a Braves baseball game, and a lady who looked a lot like the actress Sofia Vergara asked if we’d take her picture. My husband almost broke his neck doing so, and the woman offered to take ours in exchange. Her accent was so endearing, we all agreed. She leaned over and took it with quite a bit of fuss. The result was the four of us looking into the camera with natural smiles on our faces and two guys snickering in the background.

Another great natural shot happened during a vacation to St. Mary’s, located on the coast of Georgia, when my children were younger. We’d eaten a great seafood meal, had indulged in a nice beverage and were out strolling the streets at dusk when a lady, from out of nowhere, offered to take our picture. Surprised, we agreed. We stopped for a second, smiled as she snapped and wandered on to watch the sunset.

As I recall that time, I think maybe the kids are right.  Sunset photos are cliché. Now watching it as a family with a full belly on a warm night, that’s another story. One that’s documented in our memory banks alone.